ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
