I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
