direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
