if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Your penis caused this!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
