if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
