Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
