so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
