we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
