i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
