I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
