One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
How external is "for external use only"?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
