glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
