Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
