Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
