Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
