my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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