The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
