? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Someone signed my nipple.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
