omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
