I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
