I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
