Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
