Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
