oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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