Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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