I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
