You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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