I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have feelings that need drinking.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
