i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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