my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i already hear my dad disowning me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
