Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
