All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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