i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
