He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
