Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
