So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
