I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
