Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
