His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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