Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
