Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
