so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
