She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
