hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
