I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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