He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
