Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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