So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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