do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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