Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
